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旧译:奥登《啊,那是什么声音》

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发表于 2002-12-10 09:46:58 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
旧译:奥登《啊,那是什么声音》
      啊,那是什么声音

啊,那是什么声音,如此震耳
在下面的谷地敲打,敲打?
那不过是红军,亲爱的,
士兵们正走来。

啊,都是什么光,我清楚地见它发亮
在远处闪耀,闪耀?
那不过是太阳照着他们的武器,亲爱的,
他们轻捷地踏步。

啊,他们在干什么,带着这些装备,
这个早晨他们要干什么,这个早晨?
不过是日常演习,亲爱的,
要么是一次警戒。

啊,为什么他们离开下面的遣路,
为什么突然打弯,打弯?
也许是口令的一个变化,亲爱的,
为什么你跪下了?

啊,他们可曾停下来受医生看护,
他们可曾勒紧他们的战马,他们的战马?
为什么,他们没有一个伤员,亲爱的
军队中没有一个。

啊,这是他们想要的牧师,披着白发,
这是牧师,是不是,是不是?
不,他们正经过他门口,亲爱的
没有一个拜访者。

啊,那一定是附近的农民。
那一定是非常狡诈的农民,非常狡诈?
他们已经经过农家庭院,亲爱的,
现在他们正快跑。

啊,你要到哪里去?呆在这里陪我!
你立的誓言是欺骗,欺骗?
不,我发誓我爱你,亲爱的,
但我必须离开。

啊,这是砸烂的锁和打破的门,
啊,这是他们正推开的大门,推开;
他们的靴子正沉重地踩在地板上,
而他们的眼睛正在燃烧。

(1993年译于红星村)
__________________

    O WHAT IS THAT'SOUND

O what is that sound which so thrills the ear
   Down in the valley  drumming, drumming?
Only the scarlet soldiers, dear,
   The soldiers coming.

O what is that light I see flashing so clear
   Over the distance  brightly,  brightly?
Only the sun on their weapons, dear,
   As they  step lightly.

O what are they doing with all that gear,
   What are they doing  this  morning, this morning?
Only their usual manoeuvres, dear,
   Or perhaps a warning.

O why have they left the road down there,
  Why  are they suddenly wheeling,  wheeling?
Perhaps a  change in  their  orders, dear.
  Why are you kneeling?

O haven't they stopped for the doctor's care,
  Haven't they reined their horses,  their horses?
Why, they are none of them wounded, dear,
  None of these forces.

O is it the parson they want, with white hair,
  Is it the parson, is it, is it?
No, they are passing his  gateway, dear,
  Without a visit.

O it must be the farmer  who lives so near.
   It must  be the  farmer so cunning,  so  cunning?
They have passed the farmyard already, dear,
   And now they are running.

O where are you going? Stay  with me here!
   Were the vows you swore deceiving,  deceiving?
No, I promised to love you, dear,
   But I must be leaving.

O it's broken the lock and splintered  the door,
   O it's the gate where  they're turning, turning;
Their boots are heavy on the floor
   And their eyes are burning.
-------------------------------------------
译无止境——诗是翻译的所失
发表于 2003-3-18 09:30:39 | 显示全部楼层

另一个译本

另一个译本O What Is That Sound
哦,那是什么声音
O what is that sound which so thrills the ear
      Down in the valley drumming, drumming?
Only the scarlet soldiers, dear,
          The soldiers coming.
O what is that light I see flashing so clear
      Over the distance brightly, brightly?
Only the sun on their weapons, dear,
          As they step lightly.
O what are they doing with all that gear
      What are they doing this morning, this morning?
Only the usual manoeuvres, dear,
          Or perhaps a warning.
哦,那是什么声音如此震人耳膜
     在山谷下嗡嗡响,嗡嗡响?
只不过是些身着红衣的士兵,亲爱的,
    他们正朝这边走来。
哦,那是什么光闪耀得如此清晰,
     在不远处不停闪烁,闪烁?
只不过是太阳在武器上的反光,亲爱的,
     他们正轻轻地挪动。
哦,他们携带那么多装备要做什么?
     他们要做什么,在今晨,在今晨?
只不过是个平常的军事演习,亲爱的,
     要么是一次警告。
O why have they left the road down there
      Why are they suddenly wheeling, wheeling?
Perhaps a change in the orders, dear,
          Why are you kneeling?
O haven't they stopped for the doctor's care
      Haven't they reined their horses, their horses?
Why, they are none of them wounded, dear,
          None of these forces.
O is it the parson they want with white hair;
      Is it the parson, is it, is it?
No, they are passing his gateway, dear,
          Without a visit.
哦,为什么他们离开了那儿的大路?
      为什么他们突然掉转了头?
也可能命令改变了,亲爱的,
     为什么你跪在地上?
哦,他们怎么没有停下来让医生检查?
      他们怎么没有用缰绳勒住他们的马,他们的马?
呀,他们中没有人受伤,亲爱的,
     这些队伍中无人受伤。
哦,他们是要去找那白发的牧师;
      是那个牧师吗?是吗?是吗?
不,他们只是路过他的门口,亲爱的,
      不是去看望他。


O it must be the farmer who lives so near
      It must be the farmer so cunning, so cunning?
They have passed the farm already, dear,
          And now they are running.
哦,那一定是住在附近的那个农夫,
     那个农夫也许很狡猾,很狡猾?
他们已经通过了那个农场,亲爱的,
    他们现在正在向前奔跑。
O where are you going? stay with me here!
      Were the vows you swore me deceiving, deceiving?
No, I promised to love you, dear,
          But I must be leaving.
哦,你到哪儿去?和我一起呆在这儿!
      你对我许下的诺言是骗人的,骗人的?
不,我发誓我爱你,亲爱的,
      但是眼下我必须离开。

O it's broken the lock and splintered the door,
      O it's the gate where they're turning, turning
Their feet are heavy on the floor
          And their eyes are burning.
哦,他们敲掉了锁,砸烂了门,
     哦,他们已从门口拐了进来,拐了进来,
他们的脚步沉重地踏在地板上,
    他们的眼中充满了杀气。



发表于 2003-3-18 09:52:43 | 显示全部楼层

和画皮探讨

和画皮探讨* the scarlet soliders 译成“红军”还是“身着红衣的士兵”?
* haven't they stopped for the doctor's care
  Haven't they reined their horese,their horses? 这两句是否定疑问句,翻译的时候语气象你翻成的那种“他们可曾.....”似乎不妥。我倾向翻译成
“他们还不停下来让医生看护
他们还不勒住他们的战马,他们的战马?”你觉得如何?
*why are they suddenly wheeling,wheeling? 你译的“打弯,打弯”似乎是南方沪语系的方言,能否翻成“转弯,转弯”?
*they are passing his gateway,dear
without a visit 翻译成"没有一个拜访者”似乎不妥,翻译成“而不是去拜访他“怎样?
*it's broken the lock and splintered the door 强调的是一个动作,而不是一个静止的门和锁,翻译成“他们敲掉了锁,砸烂了门”如何?

哈!说了这么多,说错请画皮君海涵!
 楼主| 发表于 2003-3-18 10:53:00 | 显示全部楼层

谢谢批阅!

谢谢批阅!

* the scarlet soliders 译成“红军”还是“身着红衣的士兵”?
■画皮:我也不知道此“红军”是不是彼“红军”,按字面译作“红军”应该不算大错。而我却在暗想:管它呢,反正“红军”也没被谁注册过。
哈,有点强词夺理了。从翻译来说,无疑你的“红衣战士”更准确。

* haven't they stopped for the doctor's care
  Haven't they reined their horese,their horses? 这两句是否定疑问句,翻译的时候语气象你翻成的那种“他们可曾.....”似乎不妥。我倾向翻译成
“他们还不停下来让医生看护
他们还不勒住他们的战马,他们的战马?”你觉得如何?
■画皮:你说得对。

*why are they suddenly wheeling,wheeling? 你译的“打弯,打弯”似乎是南方沪语系的方言,能否翻成“转弯,转弯”?
■画皮:难怪我是浙江人!


*they are passing his gateway,dear
without a visit 翻译成"没有一个拜访者”似乎不妥,翻译成“而不是去拜访他“怎样?
■画皮:哈,我看作without a visiter了。

*it's broken the lock and splintered the door 强调的是一个动作,而不是一个静止的门和锁,翻译成“他们敲掉了锁,砸烂了门”如何?
■画皮:对,这句是强调动作,但那是已过的动作,和下一句作对。中文却难以表达其中的时态变化。我认同你的译法。

哈!说了这么多,说错请画皮君海涵!
■画皮:说得句句在理,我抽空订正。谢谢指正!
发表于 2003-3-18 11:27:38 | 显示全部楼层

你很可爱!

你很可爱!
发表于 2003-3-18 11:45:37 | 显示全部楼层

画皮君93年的作品:)

画皮君93年的作品:)

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