● Fei Mount:汉诗英译三首
1.李煜:乌夜啼
林花谢了春红,
太匆匆,
无奈朝来寒雨晚来风。
胭脂泪,留人醉,
几时重。
自是人生长恨水长东。
Crow's Night Cry
The flowers in the woods have rinsed off colors
Too too rushed
helpless against morning wind chill evening showers
Red-stained tears, the intoxicated lingerer
never again beholds
Life is as often sorrowful as rivers eastward flow
【译者笔记】
这首简单却晦涩的词,我只保留了部分的韵。第一稿完全无韵,拿出来给英语诗人们看,他们不懂我对这首词何以如此钟情。我对原文作出适当背叛,才勉强弄出一点韵律。“胭脂泪”很难译,究竟是花瓣上的水,还是被脸上胭脂染红了的眼泪?
我在翻译时取了我自己理解。“红”字在第一行译丢了,在第四行补回。“红”是关键字,全诗不能没有一个“红”。
目前的译文最多只是一个雏形,我有足够的耐心去慢慢调整它。欢迎朋友们来帮助我!对我的译文予以帮助的有Janet Kenny, Paula Grenside, Shisa Powett.
2.白居易:忆江南
江南好
风景旧曾谙
日出江花红胜火
春来江水绿如蓝
能不忆江南
Remembering the South
Good is the land south of the Yangtzi
its scenery I once knew so well
At sunrise river flowers are red exceeding flames
When spring comes water is green as though blue
How can I not remember it?
3.孟浪:在美国午睡
在美国午睡
我遗失又一只鸣蝉。
另有人失去一家保险公司
谁教他把头伸进中国的夜半?
梦中的行动
轻撼现实,一连串无痛的语言
任凭电锯的伤害--
词,还是锯末
填充艳阳西斜后的遗缺?
地勤师正锯开飞机
金鱼流了一地,并欢快地游开去。
在美国午睡
把美人摇醒:不做这只梦!
(出自诗集《连朝霞也是陈腐的》 )
Napping in America
Meng Lang / Translation by Fei Mount
Napping in America,
I lose yet another ringing cricket.
Someone else lost an insurance company.
Who asked him to thrust his head into China's midnight?
Actions in dreams
lightly sway reality. A gush of painless language
allows electric saw to mutilate--
Words, or saw dust
make up for the absence after the fabulous sun
slanted to the west?
Land surveyor saws open an airplane.
Gold fish spill all over, and merrily swim away.
Napping in America,
I wake up beauty: Do not want this dream!
【译者笔记】
令人欣慰的是,一首好诗即使受到翻译的扭曲还是能脱颖而出。孟浪的这首诗,在英文论坛受到很多关注,译者得以在英文措词方面与其他诗人切磋。
如何传达孟浪的语言特色,其力度与尖锐性,对于我是一大挑战。比如“撼”字,译为“shake”, "rock"
都太“白”了,我已经想了好久了,暂时采用“sway”,
因为这个字有时用在颠覆动摇别人意志的场合。
“艳阳西斜”也让我大伤脑筋!唉,一句成语,译成英文却怎么都象陈词滥调!希望目前的译法,至少有一点喜剧色彩。欢迎指教。
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